Reading: P. 207-216: Step Six, ACA Book
There is a voice in all adult children that simply says, “why should I try?” I’m just going to fail. We must take this voice very seriously, for it has the power to do us in. The ACA book talks about this voice as a power that has the ability to create identity loss in us because it continues to build an atmosphere of mistrust, between ourselves and others, between us and God and mainly, mistrust with ourselves. How will we learn to trust ourselves if we do not take the risk of failure, if we are afraid to risk trust?
Fortunately, recovery is a network of resources, actions and community to help us work on the fundamentals of recovery one day at a time. One day, we may work on our character defects such as feeling superior, mistrust, dishonesty, perfectionism and others. While some days, we might work on surrendering to a Higher Power and some days, we may just sit in meditation for an hour and get in touch, safely, with our joy and pain.
A key element I’ve discovered lately is that as I become willing to let go of a self-destructive behavior and take the action to let go, I feel room opening up inside of me for some of the deeper work of recovery to take hold. It seems my Higher Power instantly puts experiences in my life to do this cosmic work of making me whole, little by little. In order to gain the courage to face some of the deeper pain that is blocking me from my true self, I have to become willing to release behaviors that are causing me to distract myself from the work of recovery. I ask myself the question, what behaviors am I engaged in that feel as if they are self-destructive? What relationships do I need to pull my energy away from in order to take a sane look at myself?
For me, this is what the Scripture verse means, “if you have faith as tiny as a mustard seed, you can say to a mountain to move, and it will be moved. Nothing shall be impossible for you.”
As I allow God to remove the character defects from my heart, a thing only my Higher Power can do, I begin to connect with the treasure that is hidden beyond the mountains of pain, and I begin to feel that living life from the core of my authentic self is possible. This is when trust becomes real.
Prayer: Today, I will trust that God can move mountains of pain as I become willing. I will choose to listen to voices that reinforce the truth that it is possible for me to connect with my authentic self and live life from that center. I will have faith in this truth.